We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
