oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
