it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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