we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
