I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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