Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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