i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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