A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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