You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
