This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
