I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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