this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
