I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
