Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
