He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
His nipple licking is glorious
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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