this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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