im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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