I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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