Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
