The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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