We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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