A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
