We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
