Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
did i walk over a car last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
