Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
