you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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