eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
