3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
