Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
