Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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