Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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