dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
