Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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