Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
