theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize