it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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