1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
