I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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