This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The uberlube is also flammable
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Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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