It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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