When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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