Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
