And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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