6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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