dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
there is glitter all over my balls
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
