That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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