I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
