Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
