Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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