Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
