Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
