I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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