yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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