I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
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Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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