Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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