I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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