I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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