Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
