So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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