Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
