yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
