you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
