woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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