the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
