if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
