BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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