i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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