Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
