so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
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Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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