Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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